Things I have collected

1.) Stickers-age 5-9.
2.) Seashells-age 7-? I kept them in a shoe box under the bed. At one time I counted over 700.
3.) Teddy bears -age 12-16 or so...I don't know how many I had.
4.) Classic Novels and neat looking old books- in high school and into my 20's.
5.) Broaches-3 years ago for about 2 months.

I am currently trying to collect sea glass every time we go to the beach, but it's hard to find.
In the future, I can see myself collecting something like old perfume bottles.

The nature of Jesus

This morning, I stepped up onto the stepmill, plugged my earphones in, and a song by Maroon 5 was playing. When you plug your earphones in and a Maroon 5 song is playing you are bound to have a fabulous workout. I don't remember what song it was, but it reminded me of my favorite Maroon 5 song, "She will be loved." When I hear the chorus of this song, I feel like I am hearing a portion of the heart of Jesus: "I don't mind spending every day out on a corner in the pouring rain, look for the girl with the broken smile, and ask her if she wants to stay awhile, and she will be loved, she will be loved, she will be loved,she will be loved..."It reminds me of the Samaritan woman Jesus met at the well, and the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears. It reminds me of this verse :"...her many sins have been forgiven-for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."Luke 7:47.
While the Maroon 5 song was playing, I looked up at one of the TV screens that was playing CNN, and the caption at the bottom said that 125,000 gorillas have been found, and I guess that takes them off of the endangered species list. I think I laughed out loud. That is a lot of gorillas to not be aware of. But I am thrilled, because the environment needs to be protected and taken care of. My parents have a book at their house (they have many books at their house, some with the most random titles you will ever see) about animals that are now extinct. The idea that there once were animals living on the planet that no longer exist here is haunting. I'm saddened that there are no longer any Dodo birds, for example. Genesis 2:15 "The Lord God took man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and take care of it." This is His earth that He created, after all. (And I tend to believe that any naturally occuring food is good for us to eat. I have never trusted diets that don't allow for, oh, FRUIT, for example.)
When the Maroon 5 song ended, a Bette Midler song came on, "From A Distance." This song has a pretty tune, and while I like her idea that if we could see the big picture we would be able to get along better, I think she' s mistaken God for an astronaut or a satellite when she says "God is watching us from a distance." because while I agree that He can view the world from any vantage point He wants, He's not so distant as the song implies. "...I am with you ALWAYS, to the very end of the age."**-Jesus.

*The first two paragraphs are not related, except that they happened in sequetial order. I am not comparing women to gorillas.
**Matthew 28:20

The art of my heart

When I started this blog, I thought that it would resemble many of the blogs I love to read. I thought that I would post a picture and write "Here is a picture of what we did today." But since it took a while to learn how to post pictures (I'm STILL not conviced I could do it without help...) I was just writing what was on my mind...and that felt exactly right, to me. In fact, it has made me so happy to be able to write these almost daily musings.
I am not a natural scrapbooker, the way many of you are. Nine years ago, some friends and I got together to stamp. Do you remember when stamping was big? Maybe it still is, and I just don't know. I thought "How fun! Stamping!" but when we were finished, the other girls had created professional looking cards and such, and mine looked like something a four year old would create, that his or her mother would love, because it was created by her four year old child. It did not scream "Sell me to the stationary store! Send me out as a thank you note or birthday card to some lucky recipient!" No. It screamed "No Natural Abilities At Crafting Whatsoever!"
It occured to me that people who are good at crafty things and scrapbooky things are probably also very good at blogging their pictures with neat captions of what they did that day. And I still am not one of them.
BUT I love the feel of this blog. I love the look of this blog. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the picture at the top of this blog. Why? Because it feels like "Me." The pictures that Verlana and I posted are totally random, not in any sequential order. The pictures I am most likely to post in the future (IF I STILL CAN!) will probably be more obscure, natural shots, profile shots, not quite clear shots. I may change that top picture to sepia tones, at some point, just to match the rest of the background better. But I like how you can see the sunlight in that picture, I love that it's not obvious right away that I am holding a child, I love that you can't clearly see our faces, and the other children are represented in subtle ways...(Ethan's yellow boots, Jeremy's shirt sleeve, Kristina, in the shadow...) I love that we're sitting in a VW bus...I love that it's crooked. But maybe I'm giving too much away. Maybe I should just stop at "I love that picture." And under that picture, I just want to see a bunch of words. Because that is who I am.
I have this beautiful painting in my mind. It will probably never see the light of day, because if I ever get my hands on some paint, brush, and a canvas, what will appear on the page will look nothing like the image in my head. It will be a poor representation of what I am actually seeing with my mind's eye. I am not the type who can look at a bowl of fruit and paint it to scale. What I try to do is create images of things that reflect something inside.
So there you have it. And do you know what? This post feels more like a picture of myself than the actual photograph in the last post.

The one where I ask the kids questions...

Another day, another post. Oh, wait, it's still today, I'm just extremely long winded...I asked the kids questions so that I could post their answers. My friend Deb did this when she started her blog, and I thought it was a great idea. So here goes:
1.)What is your favorite color?
Kristina:"Dark Green"
Jeremy:"Red, blue, and pink"
Ethan:"Red and black."
Natalie:(Didn't answer, but it's probably pink, because she points to things and calls them "pink")
2.)What's your favorite book?
Kristina:"The A-Z mysteries, but say that it changes a lot."
Jeremy:"Don't have one."
Ethan:"Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew." (Ethan doesn't read, and even if he did, it wouldn't be chapter books about a girl who solves crime.)
Natalie:(Didn't answer, but it's the "That's not my..."series by Usborn books that my sister in law Vickie sells...they are fantastic, and if you are interested in ordering, tell me in a comment.)
3.)What's your favorite food?
Kristina:"raw baby spinach."(go, Kristi!)
Jeremy:"Don't have one."
Ethan:"Bananas, because I'm a monkey."
Natalie:(didn't answer, but it's whatever Daddy's eating.
4.)What's your favorite number?
Kristina:"Two, because it's swirly and fun to write."
Jeremy:"Don't have one."
Ethan:"Orange. Now ask me what my favorite number is."me:"What's your favorite number?" Ethan:"One!" Then he laughed. (That is hilarious to four year olds.)
5.)What is your favorite thing to do?
Kristina:"Jumping on the trampoline"
Jeremy:"Don't have one"
Ethan:"Recycling" (um, what?)
Natalie:(Didn't answer, but it's probably pointing to things and calling them "pink")
6.)What's your favorite place to go?
Kristina:"Um, I can't think of one, but it's probably swimming."
Jeremy:"Don't have one."
Ethan:"McDonalds"
Natalie:(Didn't answer, but it's wherever we are going...she's a total extrovert.)

Eggs are good to eat

I haven't posted in a couple of days just to give the last post some time to sink in. I think that begging for comments at the end of the post was a nice touch, don't you? I've gotten 9 responses out of it so far, and more to come, I hope! (I'm just wishin', wishin' upon a star! :-) ) I read ALL of your comments and spend a lot of time thinking about them. Sometimes I even write a response back! You could be the lucky reader to have your comment answered right here, on this here blog. Just imagine the possibilities...OH and speaking of leaving comments, some of you faithful and true readers have told me that you tried to leave a comment but couldn't. I think I fixed that now, so try again! See, that's when the saying "it's the thought that counts" really is true...when you actually try with all of your might to do that thing. When you are just sitting on your duff ("duff" is not a word I typically say.) thinking about, say, bringing your significant other flowers at the end of the day? But you are doing NOTHING about it? Then no, the thought definitely does not count in that scenario. I'm just saying. (In defense of my darling husband, he never even thinks about it, so he is off the hook.)
Now I'm torn. I think that what I just said is TOTALLY FUNNY, even though it's not true. Derek brings me flowers from time to time. It's just that when he doesn't, he has learned not to say "Well, I THOUGHT about bringing you flowers today..." He has learned that if he starts the sentence out that way, it's all going downhill from there. So he just doesn't go there. See, I married a smart one. And now I will say some super nice things about Derek so as to make up for the first comment, since I am cracking myself up too much to erase it. Derek has awesome hair. Right now, it is longish, sort of surferish. He sports it well. Just put some shorts or jeans on that guy, his leather flip flops, he looks terrif. He looks polished and effortless. (It's not fair, but we won't even go there. ) It is important to look polished and effortless when you are busy building cabinets. That's what he does, my husband. I hope to post pictures of some beautiful cabinetry he has created in my next post, after my blogging lesson from Verlana tonight, the one where I learn how to post pictures on this thing. Keep holding your breath, it will happen!
I just looked up and saw the title of this post. I was planning to talk about something completey other than what I've been talking about when I sat down here. Then I cracked myself up and got onto another tangent. So here's what I was originally going to say. I was going to say that after a long run, I like to come home and eat eggs for lunch. I cook them on the stove with a little bit of olive oil, add some black beans, cook until nothing is runny, put in a bowl, add generous amounts of salsa and some feta cheese, and that's one of my favorite lunches. I like to dip sunchips in it, but I try not to, because one sun chip turns off all of the reasoning centers in my brain, until I want to keep eating and eating every last one. That's how good they are. With this lunch, I like to drink Enviga green tea. That is because I drink enviga with every lunch. My other favorite lunch is frozen yogurt. I cannot be cured of my frozen yogurt love. Oh, I'd better go add that to my profile...

Why I chose the songs I chose

Okay, loyal readers, you asked for it! I am now going to tell you why I chose the songs I chose for my blog! Actually, that is not true. No one actually asked me. I came up with this idea completely on my own. Since there are 24 songs on my playlist, sit back and relax as you prepare for an absurdly long post. If you don't care about all of the songs, but only want to know about a few of your choosing, then feel free to browse on down to your chosen song. I should warn you, though; just to mix it up and keep it kickin', I am going to do the list backwards, because I doubt that the songs at the END of my playlist ever get listened to, unless someone intentionally clicks on any of those songs. No one can possibly be logged onto my blog long enough to hear all 24 songs in a row. Unless you are me, and you are so proud of that playlist that you just want to listen to it all the way through while you do other things around the house...I'm just saying.
So song #24 is....Chiquitita, by Abba. Oh Abba, how I love you. You are so misunderstood by so many who simply listen to your songs and laugh at your funny accents. I, however, listen deeper. I hear the gorgeous piano concerto going on counterpoint to the cheesy singing. I hear the glorious sounds of brilliant harmonies and rising crescendo as the song continues...Is that a full chior I hear singing? No, it is just 4 voices miraculously sounding like thousands. Is that a full orchestra in the background? Maybe. I don't know. But the piano stylings sure are glorious. I simply think that the musicality of Abba music is genious. This song is just a sampling of the brilliant stylings of the Abba Gold: greatest hits album. (Now there are a few songs on that album that are just TOO cheesy, even for me, so I absolutely must skip them. Just FYI.)
#23. Bring 'em out by Hawk Nelson. I have long been a fan of happy, peppy sounding music. Hawk Nelson does a good job of crafting a happy sounding song that I just like to listen and sing along to. This song reminds me of last summer when Francesca's daughter Isabella was riding in my car, and this song was on, and she was doing her best to sing along. We listened to it several times so that she could get the hang of it. I just loved how she was just so non self consciously singing along, "Bring 'em out, bring 'em out!" Good memories. Good song.
#22.Hello by Hawk Nelson. I just love the melody of this song. Again, super happy, and it makes me happy when I hear it and sing along. Sometimes, instead of singing "You never ever leave my mind, my sweet sweet Madeline, I sing "You never ever leave my mind, my sweet sweet Natalie." Aaaaahhhhhhh.
#21.Uptown Girl, by Billy Joel. Billy! Can it get any more genious than that? I love that guy! He is the king of brilliant melodies, sing-a-long-ability, and his songs are fun to listen to and fun to sing. Nothing deep here, I just like the song.
#20.Absolutely (Story of a girl) by Ninedays. This song came out when my firstborn was a baby. I used to sing it to her,: "This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world. And while she looks so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her...when she smiles." That song is forever associated with baby Kristina, in my mind.
#19.Labour of Love by Frente. This song came out in either '94 or '95. I remember when I first heard it that it was such a fresh, unique sound for the time. They didn't sound like any other band. They were, again, just such a happy, fun sounding band. I actually wanted to play an even happier sounding song by them, called "Accidentally Kelly Street," but I couldn't find that song.
#18.Lead Me On by Amy Grant. If you read my profile, you saw that I will always adore Amy. She was the music of my heart when I was growing up. I loved all of her albums. I listened to them over and over, and I memorized all of the lyrics. I remember when the album, "Lead Me On" came out. I was 13 years old, and I didn't quite understand the meaning of these lyrics. (Even then, I was analytical.) It bothered me, and I wracked my brain trying to figure them out. At some point, it clicked that this song was about the Jews, and their struggles through history. It's a beautiful song, one of my favorite by Amy Grant. (Amy, I love you. If you ever want to sit down for coffee or a meal and a chat, I'm so down. Call me, 'k? Hugs!)
#17.Love, Me by Colin Raye. If you get to this song on my playlist, just skip it. I do. I don't know who the joker is who is singing this song, but it is definitely NOT Colin Raye. This is not the original Colin Raye singing version of the song. It's such a disappointment. I would just delete it from my playlist, but I fear that I wont be able to get the playlist back up if I do that. The original Colin Raye song is touching to my heart because of a story that I heard on The Regis and Kelly show, about a family who played Colin Raye music after their son died in a motorcycle accident. They put the lyrics, "between now and then, 'til I see you again, I'll be loving you, love me." on his tombstone. That story really got to me. The Colin Raye version makes me cry, now. On a silly note, I sing this song around the house, and my kids say "STOP SINGING!" Except for Jeremy. Jeremy laughs and sings along with me.
#16. Superman by Five for Fighting. Five for fighting has such brilliant, beautiful piano playing, paired with such beautiful, brilliant lyrics. This song is about how a person is never meant to be on anyone's pedistal, we are all just people, and it's exhausting trying to be someone's hero...this song could be about a celebrity trying to live up to everyone's expectations, or anyone trying to live up to everyone's expectations, really. The line "It's not easy to be me..." Anyone can sing that. It could be someone else who sees you as a hero, or it could be yourself trying to be a hero to those around you, and getting exhausted...this song relates to very many senarios, really. ( I think I just spelled "senarios" wrong.) All in all, a brilliant song.
#15.My Front Porch Looking In by Lonestar. One day, in the car, I was flipping through the radio stations when I happened upon this song. It was so fresh and unexpected to hear this man sing about how much he loves his family...So refreshing...and it absolutely brought tears to my eyes. I was caught off guard by this song that I did not expect! I love it now. Plus, I can totally relate to the idea of being so much more interested in seeing your family than in the scenery around you. Read my posts about nature. 'nuf said.
#14.The Older I Get by Skillet. I know this song is about a relationship that seems irreparable, or something, but it just feels so nostalgic to me. I love the lyrics, "the older I get, will I get over it? It's been way too long for the times we missed, I can't believe it still hurts like this." This song takes me right back to my sister, Marilyn. She was born when I was 3. She lived for 8 days. That's why I like nostalgic sounding songs so much; they all take me right back to Marilyn. (I plan to post about that one of these days.)
#13. Work by Jars of Clay. This band has some finely crafted songs, some great lyrics on top of fantastic music, and this song is one of them. "Do you know what I mean when I say I don't want to be alone?" and "I have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work." Except that I have to admit, I AM afraid of drowning. Yes, very afraid of that. Moving on...
#12.Only Hope by Switchfoot. This is probably my favorite song by switchfoot, although I like most of their music. These guys have really fab, original lyrics. This song is brilliant, but I can't explain it. It touches me on many levels and makes sense to me in a way that I don't think I can put into words. Imagine that.
#11.Viva La Vida by Coldplay. I can only TRY to put what this song means to me into words. This is another brilliantly crafted masterpiece. These lyrics are so deep and powerful, and I love the nostalgic feel of this, song, as well. This song could relate to so many different things, like a literal king losing his throne, to anyone who has ever lost anything, to any life changing event in your life where there is definitely a "before" and "after..." like a moment of epiphany. This song could simply be about growing up and realizing that you are not the center of the universe. It is pure poetry set to music. I love the line "but that was when I ruled the world." I love this song. It reminds me of Marilyn, too. (I don't believe that "Saint Peter" is in charge of calling any names, though.)
#10.Winter by Tori Amos. LOVE this song!!!! The piano in this song is enough to make you weep. Pair it with the sweet melody and soprano voice singing so vulnerably and you have a masterpiece on your hands. The words of this song are ALSO pure poetry. It absolutely speaks to me on many levels, and if I try to explain them all, I will just go crazy. Because there is no way I can explain it all. "when are you going to make up your mind? When are you going to love you as much as I do?" and "Things are going to change so fast; all the white horses have gone ahead." Nostalgia, for sure.
#9.Glory,Baby, by Watermark. I found this song on Angie Smith's blog, "Bring the Rain." If you are looking for a blog to earmark, that is the one to read straight through. You will not be the same. This song also reminds me of Marilyn, and also of the two babies we lost to miscarriages. Such a beautiful song.
#8. Homesick by Mercy me. This song sounds just like my grief and nostalgia feels. Some songs are meant to be about grief or nostalgia, but if you don't feel the particular song, then it doesn't work for you. The melody of this song just happens to sound like how I feel. It reminds me of other people in my life who have died, too, like Marlys. Family friend we grew up with.
#7.Baby Baby by Amy Grant. You have already learned of my lifelong love of Amy. If you are still reading this, here is a prize for hanging on so long...I am going to admit something here that I would never admit anywhere else. When my babies were babies, I held each one and played this song and danced around the room and whispered this song into their ears. Several times. It became a theme. I love that this song celebrates the life of a new baby.
#6.Who Knew by Pink This song is gorgeous. It sounds like a breakup song, but I think it's actually about someone who died. Listen closely, you'll hear it. Words like "That last kiss, I'll cherish until we meet again." and "And time makes it harder, I wish I could remember." don't sound like what you would say to someone you broke up with. I used to hear this song at the YMCA when I would walk past a particular class that was going on; it was one of their cool down songs. I thought it was pretty, but it was a while before I actually heard the lyrics, and I was hooked.
#5. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingford I love the idea of being unwritten, that each day is fresh and yet to be lived, that you can define who you want to be and how you want to live each day, and that no one can live your life for you. So wake up and go live! I love the idea of each day as a "blank page before you." And how fitting for a blog!
#4.Say by John Mayer. Speaking of being fitting for a blog...If any song is fitting for a blog, it is this song. I was telling this to Francesca, and she said "And it's just a pretty song." She's right. It's also one of my life mottos, "Say what you need to say." If more people would just put this into practice, the world would be a more peaceful place. As someone once told me, "We are only as sick as our secrets." Think about it! And then go spill, to someone who is safe.
#3. Heavenly Day by Patty Griffin. Big sigh. I love this song. It was the first dance at a wedding that we went to in May. What a perfect first dance song! I'd never heard this song before and immediately I loved it. It reminds me of all of the best days of my life, like the day I married Derek, (one of the best decisions of my life, I can tell you 9 and a half years later!) the days my children were born, every time we go to the beach... just to name a few. And I like to think that ANY day can be a Heavenly day, if you chose to see it that way. When this song comes on, I immediately start to sing it and think of the day that I am in as being a heavenly day. Beautiful attitude adjustment.
#2.100 years by Five for Fighting. You'd be hard pressed to hear a more beautiful song than this. "I'm 15 for a moment, halfway between 1o and 20, and I'm just dreaming, counting the years to where you are..." Aaaahhhhhh. Nothing else to say, this song blows me away. Too many levels to explain. You either get it or you don't. "!5, there's still time for you..."
#1.Loving a Person by Sara Groves. Another wedding, another first dance. This time it was my baby brother (he's not a baby, but I can call him that because it's MY blog! :-) but he used to hate it when I'd say that... or "little" brother. He hated that, too.) to my new sister Sara! Again, I had never heard this song before their wedding, and again, I loved it right away. If captures a marriage so beautifully.
So there you have it, these are my songs for now. I keep thinking of more songs that I would add or switch out, and maybe someday I will, when this blogging thing becomes old hat, and I get to be a pro at it. For now, just enjoy the tunes, and please let me know what YOU Think of them, and how they speak to you, or if any are particularly meaningful to you. If you are reading this, please leave a comment. I love comments. Whoever you are, I will love you and like you 20% more if you leave me a comment...Please? :-)

Read this, then live it out.

Children are a gift from God. It says so in Psalm 127. It does not say that only children without flaws, learning disabilities, physical, mental, emotional delays or any other wierd quirks are gifts. It does not say that only your own children are gifts. ALL children are gifts from God, and I think that He fine crafts them, is pleased with his work, and gives them to us, delighted. It would do us all a world of good if we would take these words to heart and live like we believe it. There are days when this "gift" feels more like you got a lump of coal in your stocking when you were hoping and dreaming for a tonka truck. Those days, I have to pray, "Dear Lord, please help me to see these children through your eyes, and help me to love them how you love them, and how you want me to love them today." I think that's a good prayer for everyone to keep on hand. I also think it's good to remember that they are called children because they are children, which means that they are not adults. I think sometimes people get all out of shape when children act childishly. They roll their eyes, like "What's wrong with THAT parent...she must not discipline." But that's just not true. Kids act like kids because they are kids. When they act out in public, no one is more horrified or tortured than the parent who is obviously attatched to them. I know.
Once, when my oldest two kids were about 3 and 1 years old, I was pushing them in the double stoller through the mall. For some reason they both started yelling. I don't have any idea why, but I think it was just a moment when they were testing out their vocal skills and egging each other on to louder and louder heights. (Oh, the joys of siblings.) I was horrified. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. But the man at the watch repair kiosk in the middle of the mall yelled out "Can't you control your children?" Um, how does one respond to that? I ignored it and kept walking. How, exactly, did he expect me to "control" them in that moment? Any lessons on "Why it's not okay to yell in the mall," and "use your inside voice" would obviously have to be saved for later. But I have no physical control over their vocal chords. And trust me, it was hurting my ears much more than it was hurting his. And I had to take them HOME with me. We would be out of his hearing in 5 seconds, and then he would never see or hear those kids again. But I can tell you, those 2 kids are now 6 and 8, and they no longer yell when we are in the mall. That is called maturity. It happens.
Some people are really good at being mean to kids. I think that they all shop at Lunardi's or work in the children's section of the library. But if you are one of those mean people, let me tell you, rolling your eyes and acting annoyed when you just see me coming in with my brood does not help anyone. It's not like I bring the peeps along to the grocery store because we are bored, and I'm hoping that they will grab the shopping carts and run willy nilly down the aisles, yelling like wild banshees and running their carts into your shins. Good times. No, If I am in the grocery store with all of my kids, it is most definitely a moment of desperation that has driven us there. I have tried to think of every possible way to get there without the kids, and somehow have exhausted my rescources. It is something dire, like we are out of milk, or down to one diaper. Desperate times for a mother. My heart is racing as we approach the door. I have reminded my kids of proper grocery store etiquette, I may have even bribed them with a treat at the end if they behave, and the goal is to get the items we need as quickly as possible and get out of there. Your scorn is completely unneccessary. Oh, and heaven help us if a child DOES have a fit. If I am racing to get out of the store with a screaming child, please, do not stop the cart, make a face at my little yeller, and say something like "Is someone sad?" Um, DUH! Now get out of my way!
And to the people who work in the childrens section of the library...If you don't like kids, go work in the adult non-fiction section. Adults in the adult non fiction section are likely to remain seated, completely quiet, and are not prone to random bursts of laughter. 'nuf said.