Since she'll only be 2 for 5.7 more seconds.

(Pre-Script: This post builds beautifully when layered with the song, "Little Wonders," #55 on the playlist, so go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading; I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

Natalie and I are building block castles,
then knocking them down, over and over.
I place a wooden block where I think it fits,
and she rearranges it to match her vision

as a master architect.
Then we knock it down.
Then we build again.
She says "This is a castle for a king."
I say "Who is our king?"
thinking she will say, "Jesus." But She says "Daddy,"
and I am comforted by this.
I remember that there is laundry to fold,
I remember that there are dishes to put away,
I remember that the living room needs to be vacuumed.
Natalie remembers none of this.
So the house remains in it's varying degrees of entropy while we sit in the middle of it,
building a castle.

-XOXO,

Darlene Ernesta, my Cabbage Patch Kid.

(Pre-Script: This post fills your hearts desires when read while the song, " Only Hope," #47 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

Remember the time when you were 8, and you wanted something so badly you could taste, and the desire was like a hard candy you sucked on and savored and salivated over? Remember how you would pray for a miracle, pray that the object of your desire would suddenly appear, and be yours, all yours, because such a thing was too bizarre to ever hope it could ever be, so bizarre that you just yes, did let yourself hope for it against all hope. And then day after day it wasn't yours. And day after day, you believed, prayed, and waited, since that was all that you could do. Time did not diminish your resolve to acquire the thing you desired. It was like the everlasting Gobstopper who's flavor richened, deepened, and took on new notes the more you savored and sucked on it's sweetness.
And then, after a period of time of yearning, remember when you finally did receive such a wonderful thing? That initial shock of unbelief, then the flood of giddy, uncontainable delight?
I hope that after savoring that sweet juicy thing, after a period of time of wanting that thing, you received it. Because to receive something you have only dreamed of and yearned for for a period of time so very badly is one of the greatest pleasures one can experience in this lifetime.

-XOXO,

Just a hop, skip, and a jump from the center of the Sea

(Pre-Script: This post keeps moving forward when paired with the song, " Closer to Love,"#54 on the playlist, so please go down to the playlist, click that song on, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

I think the scariest place is the middle of the Red Sea, the VERY middle of the Red Sea, just after it has been parted, you have seen that miracle of the Red Sea being parted, and you have run skipped right down the dry center of all of that water, whistling Dixie the whole time, until, UNTIL. YOU. REACH. THE. CENTER. AND. REALIZE. THAT. YOU. CAN. NO. LONGER. SEE. EITHER. SHORE. AND. THAT. YOU. ARE. TOO. FAR. IN. TO. SWIM. BACK. EVEN. IF. THE. WATER. COMES. CRASHING. BACK. DOWN. UPON. YOU.
Gulp.
Um, excuse me, but what exactly is holding the water back, anyway? God's hands, sure, but I cannot SEE GOD'S HANDS, they are the strongest thing, but I cannot SEE them. I need to trust them in this moment more than any other, and know, KNOW that as long as I am walking forward, there in the center of God's hands, even as the water rises all around, rises so high and so far out that all I can see is water, water, everywhere but not a drop to drink*, even if my greatest fear is drowning, there in the center of God's hands, I am in the safest place I will ever be.

"Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left. Keep your foot from evil." -Proverbs 4:25-27

-XOXO,

*Quote that I have in my head, but do not know who said it first, so I do not know to whom I should be crediting, only that it's not originally mine...I just borrowed it because it fit beautifully here.

Hover

We are scarred and confused hummingbirds

stunned midflight

unsure how to hover any longer

shivering in suspended vibrancy

which cannot maintain in stillness

but contains a world it's own-

nothing maintains in stillness

we do not maintain in stillness

only it sometimes looks like still

sounds like quiet

but even then is the constant buzz white noise of constancy,

even the seeming stillness is the orbit and the gentlest quiver,

even the softest things drape over the hard thing beneath us all

which holds us up,

which keeps us from falling out of thin air.

-XOXO,

I have seen enough reality shows to know that I don't want to be living one.

(Pre-Script: This post is the most freeing when read as the song, "Bring Me To Life," #35 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

I believe in impossible miracles. I believe in the Promised Land. I believe in living there. I don't know what it looks like. I think there's plenty of milk and honey there, which rocks because I have always said that Dairy is my favorite food group. I think that it has to be fought for and protected, tilled and fertilized, nurtured, planted, and built upon. I think it is attainable in this life, and in the one to come...but I'm not always sure what it looks like.
So why is it so hard to find people who have actual faith? REAL faith? Faith, Faith, testing, one two, testing, testing, WHERE THE BEEP ARE YOU?? A lot of people SAY they have faith. SAY they believe in miracles, clap when they hear a sweet story, but then you ask them to pray, you ask them to pray about their own lives, and they say things like, "We have to be realistic here, too."
Um, we do?

Why?

...Did everyone get this memo? Because I did not get this memo. To you who say we have to be realistic, I say,

I have seen enough reality shows to know that I do not want to be living one

and

Have you read the bible much?

Because as far as I can tell, a lot of the things happening in there are not very "realistic," yet they happen when God's people pray in faith and believe in the completely unrealistic. A lot of things happen when people remember the promise that,

"I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."*

These are things that God has already determined will be loosened and bound, and He has determined that people can be set free from whatever enslaves them...which is a whole 'nother chapter in a whole 'nother book.

Ahem.

Think about the Israelites who stood in front of a Red Sea as their previous captors pursued them, relentless to bring them back to the land of their slavery? How easy would it be for the Israelites to have faced the "reality" of that situation; how easy it would be to let themselves be lulled back into slavery; sure they were slaves, but at least the language and customs were familiar; how easy it would be to slip back into the only life they had ever known. How comfortable, even. Their muscles already contained muscle memory for every task; no thought required; they sleepwalk through a half life, then die. How much harder it can be to walk forward on the other side of freedom, still facing ahead, still trusting the God they could not see or touch. That is the hardest thing of all...but for freedom** they had been set free, not necessarily for ease. And God chose to do something completely unrealistic. He parted the very Sea that was blocking their path. All they had to do was walk through it. Then he had that Sea drown the enemy hotly pursuing them. They just had to walk forward. They had a Promised Land to get to. (And then they still had battles to face, a whole slew of "-ites" to fight and conquer, because the "-ites" were taking over their land...but if I get into that it will take all night, and I am already tired.)

If we believe that this same God lives within us, WHY do we not believe that He will part the Sea for us when we are stuck between impossible seas and a fast approaching enemy army who wants to re enslave us? I think we don't see and understand how desperate we actually are. I want to never forget that I am always exactly that desperate, and I want the kind of faith that says "God, I am not turning back around, though it would be the easiest thing in the world to turn back and be lulled into sleepy half life slavery where the food is bland but familiar. I am facing forward, believing you can part the sea, I am taking a step, even if it means my toes get wet, even if my knees get wet, because I am that desperate, and you are my only hope, and I want to believe in what is completely not realistic. I want to believe in the miracles I have yet to experience."
Blink

Blink
But I don't see many people who seem to be living in their Promised Land. I don't even think that a lot of people believe in their Promised Land; I think that many people are content to be in the desert eating manna, just wandering and wandering from one class or workshop to another, in their pure non mixed fabrics. and really, who can blame them, manna is delicious, and 100% cotton clothing is comfortable and easily breathable in the the dry dusty desert. But I digress.

Ahem.

A lot of people are content to remain slaves to things they don't even realize they are enslaved by, and things they do realize they are enslaved by...because anything other would require them to wake up, and get up, and start thinking, and making choices. Freedom can be the most awkwardly uncomfortable transition of all... But once you go through it, oh man, once you go through it...
I'll tell you when I get there, but I'm pretty sure the food rocks.
-XOXO,

*Matthew 16:19, then repeated in Matthew 18:18...so it must be important.
**Romans 8:21, just one of many.

MMmm, jelly donuts...

(Pre-Script: To consciously expand your mind while reading this post, please read it as the song, "Little Wonders," #55 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

Are we always learning and growing, even when we don't think we are? Children grow even in their sleep, even as they play and giggle, whine and hide their broccoli in their napkins. You look at a baby, then blink twice, and the baby has become a 5 year old child. At some point, you try to stop blinking, but the kid keeps growing anyway. You can't really will yourself not to blink; it is one of those unconscious movements, like growth. But at some point, growth has to become conscious, or it leads to stagnation and mold. You are still growing, but the growth is now more like a growing weed or bacteria complete with stench. There are people who grew and grew until they were 900lbs. 900 lbs is not a healthy weight on anyone under about 15 feet tall or so. Beyond a healthy BMI, it is unhealthy growth. There was a point when the conscious act of growing needed to take over for the unconscious growth which led to a 900 lb person. "Gosh, if I keep eating only garbage and never exercise, I will become enormous, which means I need to make better choices, which means if I can't make better choices, I need to consciously grow in knowledge and emotional intelligence to figure out why I need to eat like this and not move like this, and I need to seek help and healing, and be healed from this emotional cause, otherwise, I will become a 900 lb bitter angry person."
This happens mentally, too. If I say to you, "What are you learning?" and you say, "Oh, lots of things, new things all the time!" but can't actually name one, it's possible that there isn't one, and you just think you are learning. Your mind is still growing, but it is just mind blubber, regurgitating and chewing it's own cud over and over, like a bovine, and growing 900 lbs of mental blubber, like a bovine...meaningless commercial jingles and break up song lyrics, and what's what on the Soap Opera.
All of these things have a place. Sappy love songs and commercials have a place. Even jelly donuts have a place. But it is a place, and you visit it, and you pass through it, it is not the place where you live, the home in which you reside, the bed in which you lay, the comforter beneath which you lull all 900lbs of your mental or physical mass to sleep.

-XOXO,

Fairytale with no fairies (but there are angels)

(Pre-Script: Your sense of reality will shift 34% if you read this post while the song, " Closer To Love," #54 on the playlist, plays in the background...so go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

The Ultimate Fairytale is ultimately what we were created for, and it is more real than the reality that we see with our physical eyes.

Blink.

Blink.
So I've been thinking a lot these past few months about how much the Bible and Disney Fairytales have in common. Talking donkeys and having food brought to you by sweet birdies are only 2 examples. People love fairytales. When you read the Bible all the way through, it is no wonder that we do; the truest reality our hearts will ever know is very much like the happenings of a fairytale, with hope and salvation entering the picture at a time when all seems dark and hopeless. Evil puts up a strong fight, but Good ultimately conquers. Sword fights and Dragon slaying lead to the "happily ever after" ending...a king on his horse whisking his beautiful bride off into the sunset, where the sun never sets, to live in a perfect kingdom full of gold, jewels, palaces, fantastical creatures and constant singing? Somebody call Disney to tell them that their ideas were taken straight out of the Bible.

Blink.

Blink.

Talking donkeys are only one example.

-XOXO,