Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Don't touch Me

(Pre-Script: This post makes the most sense when read as the song,"The First Cut Is The Deepest," #66 on the playlist, plays in the background, so go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...)(...still waiting...)

I am once again painting my nails.

"But Michelle, why would you do that when you can just go get a pedicure? And have someone else do it? That's what WE do."

Well, now here you have raised a good question, Dear Gentle Reader. I have nothing against pedicures per say, if I wasn't such a control freak about how I want my nails precisely painted, which knows no rhyme or reason except that no one on earth who isn't me does it to my satisfaction. And I have nothing against pedicures per se, it's just I don't like the idea of strangers touching my feet as they make fun of me in a language I don't understand. Then tell me that whatever color I choose is such a "pretty color." And I have nothing against pedicures per se, it's just that I run a lot of miles, a lot of days, So if I get a pedicure, and I get a staph infection, and as a result they have to cut off my entire foot at the ankle, this will put a damper on my distance running. Especially if I want to go fast. And then I'll never make it to the 20?? Olympics. Heck, I've never even run the Boston Marathon yet. At some point, a girl has to ask herself, "Is getting a pedicure worth possibly missing out on the Boston Marathon for?"

"Michelle, most of us don't have to think too long or hard to decide that 'yes, yes it very much is.'"

Good point, Gentle, Beloved Reader. And you have just made my next point for me. I Am Not Like "Most Of You." I am very much like Most Of Me, though. I will keep painting my own toenails. Now, after I run the Boston Marathon, ask me again. Maybe then I will be willing to risk the pedicure. At least then if I get the dreaded Staph Infection and they have to amputate my foot at the ankle, I can have the entire foot bronzed. In Platinum. I would add a placard to the mounted, bronzed (in platinum) foot, amputated at the ankle:

"This foot ran the Boston Marathon. IN fact, this foot would kick your booty if you were standing next to it at the starting line of the Boston Marathon. This foot rocked my world while it was attached to me. I still have phantom pains like it is attached. Then I try to stand up on it and I fall over on my face. All for the love of Cherry Jubilee Nail Polish. Beware the Cherry Jubilee."
Yeah, so I'm just gonna go finish painting my own toenails here, do you mind? I promise to not overcharge myself in the process, too. I promise to not insult myself in a different language as I do it, too.


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