Sunday, November 22, 2009

I read a book about a horse and bought a new nailpolish within the same week.

(Pre-Script: This post will bless your heart when read as the song," Sweet Pea," #22, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

...Aren't horses always named things like "Blessed Assurance," or "Sweet Passage of Time?" I have never been a horse person, per se, but that does not mean that I am not pro horse,* and if I had one, I would name it horse-ily.
The other day, I bought a bottle of nail polish called "Plum Licorice." I was in love. I was ready to name a pet or 5th born hypothetical child Plum Licorice. This is no shock to anyone who knew the inner workings of my brain over 10 years ago when I was finagling my first pregnant belly around, dreaming up lists of names. Even when baby A's name had been decided, I continued dreaming up names. It's fun to dream up names. Throughout the pregnancy, I would throw out the idea of naming my firstborn Plum. I was slightly Plum obsessed, as evidenced by the plates still in my kitchen cabinets, with large red plums in the center. Gwyneth Paltrow has since named her daughter Apple. I may not have been a famous movie star, but even I could tell that naming one's offspring a fruit automatically sounds like you are bestowing upon him or her a blessing of gorgeous health. Come home to Mama, Plum.
I was vehemently vetoed.
I moved it to my Pet Name List instead.
Let me point out here that the Pet Name List is a hypothetical, since I am not warm enough to the idea of anyone living in my house who is not human. This list is also readily available if any of you wants to name something, but has hit a naming block. Just ask me, I'll bestow name after name upon you, golden names I have cherished even without an actual living being on which to bestow them. Come to me, all who are harboring nameless pets and/or children, and I will give you names.
Here is a small smattering of the names you will hear:
"But Michelle,"
I can hear my dear imaginary Reader interrupting me just now,
"Michelle, did you just say Licorice, like in the nail polish color you mentioned earlier?"
Gentle Reader, how very astute of you! Yes, Licorice was always on my list, even before I ever saw the nail polish. I am so glad you are paying attention to my words, not just skimming.
"Of course Michelle, that's what Imaginary Reader's do. We read, pay attention, absorb."
And I love you for it, Gentle Reader.
Moving On...
In short, Plum Licorice now has a place of honor on my Pet-And-Whatever-Else-You-Want-To-Name-List, and though I stole it from a nail polish, I love it as if it were my own. The merging of two beautiful things I already love packaged into one?
Gone, I tell you. I am completely gone.
My name is Michelle, and If I had a horse, I would name it Plum Licorice.


*Don't get me wrong, horses are fantastic! I just don't think my neighbors would like having to call me repeatedly about fence repairs after my horse breaks down theirs, then starts eating off of their fruit trees and their lawns...and there goes the neighborhood again.
**You may have been appalled when you noticed that the pet names lost their wholesome goodness to sugary confections. Live a little, people. Gosh!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Inside Always Looking Out

(Pre-Script: This poem enjoys being read as the song, " Blackbird," #14 on the playlist, plays softly in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, lower the volume, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

the leaves have changed brilliantly,
the sky is trying
to rain.
There are places
between dark flat bottom clouds
where sunlight is, so
I am convinced
there must be a rainbow, though
I can't see it.
we have eaten,
we are warm, mostly clean.
Inside, we are always looking out.
I hear laughter and someone softly singing,
which does not mean there is no ache
for what is missing,
but we are here now,
with what we always have,
with what is all around and deep within us.
We are here
We can look at each other,
smile, frown, blink.
We can look at each other.
We can draw brilliantly colored pictures
and subtly colored pictures.
Inside, we look out
Unsure of the places where out and in meet-
Inside, we look out
the window and wait,
each for something different,
but something the same, too.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

What's so obvious about the Moon

(Pre-Script: This post becomes obvious when read as the song, " Mysterious Ways," #23 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...)(...still waiting...)

Tonight when we were driving,
He said, "The moon looks cool right now."
I looked up at it and said, "thumbnail."
He said, "You can see the whole outline of it, if you look closely and concentrate."
I looked closely and concentrated. I could not see the whole outline of it.
He said, "It's about the size it is when kids sit on it in pictures."
I thought, but did not say out loud, "with a fishing pole hanging down."
Out loud, I said, "I think that when the kids sit on it, it's a little bigger than that."
He said, "You think?"
I said, "I think."


Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Reeses Peace

(Pre-Script: To fully enjoy the moment you are in while reading this post, you will need to read it as the song, " Little Wonders," #55 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)
In my world, going to the movies is really just an excuse to eat candy. Specifically Reeses Pieces. I don't know about you, but when the lights darken in that theater, and I am sitting in front of that huge screen watching preview after preview after preview after-hey, what movie did I come to see again? I forget, so many previews I have been watching!-Ahem, anyway, at this moment, when I place a Reeses Pieces piece in my mouth, it is like a brilliant moment in history. A historically moment of brilliantly executed perfection wherein all of my senses are in perfect alignment, together letting out a collective sigh of rest and enjoyment. Soak it in, my darlings. Soak it in. For this moment does not come very often, and is therefore all the more precious to savor.
Oh, to sit in a large cushy chair with a bag of candy for two hours in darkness and look at a large screen.
Y'all, It's the simple things in life that get me.


On second thought...

(Pre-Script: This post will make you feel alive and well when you read it as the song that makes you feel the most alive plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, pick a song to click on, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)
I'd like to amend myself: The part where I said "just say 'no' to drugs," what I meant was, "just say 'yes' to the right drugs!"* I am about to embark on a multi-drug venture. Relax, they are all perfectly legal in the country in which I reside. My brain is thanking me over and over again for taking them, too. This is because my brain can actually function again! Woo hoo! I like that! I am not merely living in a fog world wherein my head is detached from anything, and just floating around, looking for a pillow on which to fall, then rapidly lose consciousness. Life is not viewed as a fight seen in "The Matrix" when I adhere to my tight Dr. prescribed regime of complex prescription drug mixing. Hello world, I am back...sort of.


*Only legal and prescribed by your Doctor, of course.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Blame it on the Swine

(Pre-Script: It is possible that this post will keep you from dying of the latest pandemic when read as the song, " How To Save A Life," #33 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

Everyone don't gasp at once, but I have symptoms of a cold/flu. I know, I know, it's probably the Swine Flu, this being 2009 and all. But we aren't supposed to call it Swine Flu, are we? We are supposed to call it, "H1N1," so as not to offend the swine and those who love them.
At one time, Oprah said she would never eat cow meat again, and it caused an uproar. Apparently, those who love and raise cows were worried that this steak and burger loving nation would forget their hearts desire, their "Steak, it's what's for dinner," *and "2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun,"* and "Where's the beef"* commercials and completely abandon all cow meat because Oprah said she would, and everyone knows who Oprah is. The cow advocates forgot that public figures who are also members of this here United States of America have freedom of speech. They also have freedom of opinion. The rest of the members of the nation being run under such a Constitution also have the freedom to have their own thoughts and opinions, and are not required to live exactly how Oprah is saying that she is going to start living, even if she is encouraging her fellow everyman to "Live your best life."* The rest of the country is able to decide if living their best lives involves steak or not. If it involves swine or not.
I bet that Swine and Those Who Love Them are offended by the term, "Swine." It is negative to pigs and pork. Swine sounds dirty. Pig sounds so very Wilber. Pig is a pink word. "Swine" is the color you get when you mix all the watercolors in the Crayola Watercolor palate: Some indescribable mesh of gray brown pea green. Gross. Swine are germ and fly infested. Pigs inspire gleeful snort laughing. But let me remind the lovers of swine and pigs that these lovable creatures were discriminated against long ago, as far back as the Old Testament of the bible,WAY before the word "Swine" even existed.
These days, relax, I don't think anyone who loves bacon, "Everything's better with bacon,"* pork, "The other white meat"* and ham, "The pink Easter meat"** is going to hightail it out of there anytime soon, claiming to have "seen the light." Pigs are in business, baby. Big time.
As for my own personal case of Swinus Influenzus,*** can just go now.

*All various slogans that I gently borrowed here.

**I made this one up all by myself

***AKA "Swine Flu."****

****Only I made up the Latin Name for Swine Flu, too.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Easy Living

(Pre-Script: This post is likely to make everything in your life 22% better if you read it while the song,"Closer," #16 on the playlist, or "Closer," #31 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

Now, some of you are thinking, "I don't need no stinkin' people. I am happy with my ice cream, treadmill, direct TV, and decent Internet access." some of you really do think this way, and by "some of you," I actually mean "me." I think this way. I am a person who can live on little; just ice cream, a treadmill, Direct TV, and decent Internet service, as previously listed. That's only 4 things.
Now, I know what you are thinking: "How can she be so completely low maintenance?"
But let me caution you: don't envy me. It does not flatter either one of us.
And there are these people who are really good with computers. There are these people who fix your cable if it has issues, or you want to upgrade or downgrade. There are even a handful of them that I might possibly allow to work on mine, should my fantastic Internet access and/or cable prove not to be enough, and I find myself asking myself, "what is wrong here?," then having no answer because if I knew the answer, I would never have had to ask the question of myself in the first place.
I mean, all I know is that I just clicked a few buttons and bam, here's a blog...but that is beside the point...
So I need the people, at least some of them.
Oh, and let's not forget the gal who works at the grocery store that sells my favorite ice cream.
And sometimes, dag nabbit,
I even like the people. I am, after all, an extrovert. That is, if you trust every personality test I have ever taken.
Well, not all of the people, all of the time, and I definitely require my people to smell good. Or at least, not to smell like any smell of skin and dirt and "I just woke up this way"-ness.
and I certainly am not feeling bff closeness with the guy who just ate raw onions for lunch, and they have yet to clear completely out of his pours.
But beyond that, as long as you don't do anything to hurt or irritate me, we can be friends. And if you are naturally witty, but also capable of deep, analytical conversation, and above all, a firstborn in sibling birth order,* and if you don't have a tendency to take your own needs for superiority, validation, and a sense of self worth out on me in passive aggressive or just full frontal aggression ways, then we can definitely be friends.
blink blink
like I said, "low maintenance."
(don't envy it.)

*I have a tendency to be naturally drawn to firstborns like a magnetism in the universe, which cannot be helped, and I usually don't find out they are first borns until later...then I go, "Duh, no wonder I like you!" However, I do have a small smattering of non first born friends, as well. Or at least, I put up with them. Hee hee. ( Joke, people. Please don't take offense.)