Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Somewhere Over The Time Space Continuum

(Pre-Script: The Earth will spin 2.6% faster if you read this post as the song, "Everybody's Changing," #37 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...)
(...still waiting...)
So I've been thinking a lot about physics in the physical realm in which we live. I think about it as I observe my firstborn child's rapidly approaching adolescence. How did that happen when she was just born, and was a newborn, and I was holding her? She was sleeping on my chest, and people would say to me how soon she would no longer be a baby anymore, and I would look at them funny because I knew that she would be a baby for a long time, at least an entire year. But that was yesterday, and now she's THIS tall. And on top of that, I wonder how she keeps getting older, while I don't.
And it's confusing to me, when I ask her to take out the recycling for instance, and she says, "Okay" and takes it out. There should not be a person in this world who never used to exist who now exists and is old enough to do things like take out the recycling. My brain cannot figure this out. Did I mention that she used to have hiccups every day, when she still lived in my belly? And now she is the one who fixes my household technology?
So you see that the time space continuum is all wrong, and someone really should write a letter to Einstein's people about that. He may have been a genius, but there was a lot he didn't know. Obviously. Like there was one hot afternoon last week that lasted an entire 7 days, or so It felt. Then I went out for gelato and coffee that night, and that lasted 3 seconds. I am not making this up, people. Like I could be so creative as to disrupt the time space continuum in my own life. Like I would ever try to mess with my own brain in such a way. But I swear that's how it goes. You blink and BAM! The scenery has all changed. But then sometimes you blink, and BAM! You are frozen some place you'd do anything to escape. Where are Dorothy's Ruby Slippers when you need them?
You know, I always wondered what that girl's problem was. She was finally OVER THE RAINBOW in a magical, colorful land, and she wanted to go back to Kansas. Did she not notice that when she was in Kansas, everything was brown? And not just brown as a nice accent color, but that EVERYTHING in her home and the surrounding landscape was just plain brown, including herself and her relatives and the evil neighbor lady who threatened to have her dog killed? In the rainbow land, Dorothy had already destroyed the Wicked Witch, so Oz was completely safe and happy now, and she had become a national hero. Why would she ever want to leave that place? Most of the people she loved were already there, just in varied forms; all she needed to do was send a memo for Auntie Em and Uncle (who knows what his name was) to catch the nearest flying house and join the rest of the gang in Rainbow Land. Add a line about the ruby slippers. Ruby slippers, people!! I dare you to find a pair of those in Kansas, Dorothy! But alas, pre adolescent and adolescent girls are not always convincable of anything logical that they have not come up with themselves. I am going to have to keep this in mind in the next few years of my firstborn's life, as I blink blink blink, and the next thing I know,
she's, like, 42.


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