Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Broccoli Myth

(Pre-Script: This post goes down easy if you read it as the song, "Sweet Pea," #5 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...)(...still waiting...)

Believing in something because it's what you think you should believe in not the same thing as believing in something because it's what you actually believe.
My entire life, people have told me that broccoli is good for me, it is SOOOO good for me, and "OMG, how can you NOT like broccoli, it is SO GOOD for you!" I've heard it so many times, in fact, no one has ever told me the opposite. I have even said it myself, "broccoli is good for me!" but that must have been before I had an original thought of my own. Well, actually, judging my the number of imaginary friends I had as a child, complete with first, middle, last names, and siblings, I WAS already having original thoughts of my own. I just had yet to have an original thought about the vegetation I was forced to ingest.
I would sit at the dinner table and be told I had to eat my broccoli before I could leave the table. So I believed for many years that broccoli was indeed GOOD. FOR. ME.
World without end, Amen.
But then one day, as I was attempting to swallow this vilest of miniature edible trees, As if my body were a tree shredder, shredding this small tree to use for my own bodily purposes as I carried on with my day, It occurred to me that I was involuntarily gagging. And I had to ask myself, "How the heck can something be good for me if my own body is doing everything in it's power to reject it?"
I decided then and there that broccoli is good not for me. It might be good for you, your nutritionist, a food chemist in Iowa, and your mother who makes the BEST broccoli cheese casserole this side of the Mississippi, but it is not good for me.
World without end, Amen.
Never again will I try to force myself to focus focus focus just to swallow anything that tastes like the love child of all of my disgust and regret, lightly seasoned with exhaust fumes.



Football and Fried Rice said...

Hey! What did you have to drag Iowa into it for??


I'm with you - something about eating something that resembles a tree - Not.Gonna.Happen.

I don't care HOW "good" it is for you :)

Johnny R said...

Awesome! I laughed reading this one :D Reminds me of when my mom made me eat liver :( That day I told myself, "I will never make my kids eat anything they don't like" There are many different foods that are good for you, I'll let their bodies decide. :)