Friday, July 1, 2011

History-onics worked for me! (AKA blame it on the infomercial. AKA Your baby does not need to know how to read.)

(Pre-Script: This post will expand your horizons when read as the song, "Everybody's Changing," #13 on the playlist, plays in the background. So go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...)(...still waiting...don't worry about what I'm doing here, I'm just inventing the wheel.)

Remember the time when that guy discovered the continent that the people living on it already knew existed? Good times.

And he didn't even know where he was. But they did.

I bet they felt how I feel any time I read an article about bargain shopping in a fashion magazine. The article usually has a items at price points that are above what most people consider "in the budget," let alone "bargains." And then they follow up with something written in the tone of, "OMG! WHAT a STEAL, can you BELIEVE IT??" And I'm like, "OMG, you might as well just smack me in the face and insult my grandma!" I don't need to be told how to find a bargain. The people doing the thing already know how to do the thing...Not only do I already know how to do it, but I know how to find better quality items at better prices than the magazine "bargain" is showing me. I look to the fashion magazine for inspiration, not exact-tation. The magazines would be better off continuing their beauty and fashion quest, and leave the bargain finding to me. I consider myself a treasure hunter, and as such, I don't want my field of expertise brought to me on a shiny platter and labeled for me. Leave the hunt to me; the hunt is part of the fun.

*And, as I said before, I'm better at it. Amen.

I wonder what would have happened if Columbus would have landed his Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria, and said, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle; I don't know where I am, but since there are people walking around, I have clearly not discovered this place, and they probably already have names, so maybe it's not my job to come up with a name for them, either. DOH!"

And then he could have sat down and cried, because crying, I have found, is the solution to a lot of things, and then I bet one of those people already living there would have walked up to him, curiously, and said "Oh dear wacky guy who is strangely overdressed, don't cry. We knew the planet wasn't flat, too, but we didn't want to waste our boats contracting your acne and tendency to bake with white flour...but here, have some fish and corn, you look too thin."

Christopher Columbus would not have understood this particular conversation due to the language barrier, but he would have seen the food, he would have understood food, and maybe he would have eaten gratefully and thought "Wow, I really am no better than these here under dressed land dwellers," and "not only is the world round, but it's a small world, after all!" And then he could have gone on to create Disneyland, only he wouldn't have called it "Disneyland," he would have called it "Columbusland," "Chrisland," or somesuch thing, and since the theme park would now be over 600 years old, the lines would be much shorter, so it would have been a win win for everyone.
Just Walt Disney would have to come up with a new life calling, but I don't doubt he could; he was very creative.


1 comment:

Priscilla Francine Makeup said...

i would agree that crying is the solution sometimes...i love how you write!!