Saturday, January 9, 2010

Sick in the head

(Pre-Script: There is a 42% chance that this post will make you well when read as the song, " Bring Me To Life," #33 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)
The last time I got sick, I had a cold. I had to have a discussion with my body that went something like this: "Immune system, what went wrong here?? Haven't I been eating enough super foods to eradicate all free radicals roaming around inside, so that they cannot have the upper hand, and land, and multiply, like aliens or hippies camping out in my chest? You are supposed to grab those antioxidants when they pass by, and use them to fight said free radicals. You cannot turn your back on the free radical boys, they have their own agenda for world takeover, starting with my body." This is no good. (read: I am still recovering from said sickness; mostly well, but not quite. Colds are brutal.)
Now, usually, when you are sick or have just given birth, the advice you hear from the non sick, non just given birth community at large is to "rest." Well, I like rest as much as the next guy, don't get me wrong, it's just that I find that my children still actually need me to take care of them. You see, when they are sick, I like to take a large ostrich feather, (here, ostrich, ostrich, get your head out of the sand.) and I fan the sick child while singing secret ancient songs and chants that can only be found written on the stones of the Mayan ruins. When I am sick, my children are not as adept at ostrich wrangling as I, so they leave me to my own "get well quick" devices, none of which involves any knowledge of the concept, "rest."
So this time around, instead of trying to rest, my plan was to exercise vigorously. I figured that if I exercise vigorously, the blood will flow that much faster throughout my body, therefore pushing out the nasty virus bacteria toxin whatever that much faster. And if that didn't work, at least I'd have an endorphin high, making me believe I was well for at least a little while. I think that this method could work for a cold. I think that if you have a flu and try this method, the blood pumping would probably just push the flu virus straight to your brain, and you would fall over dead. It is possible that the whole thing is a horrible idea; that your immune system simply cannot pump out the white fighter blood cells as quickly as your heart rate can increase in a workout, and that the harder your body has to fight for oxygen, the less likely it is to be able to focus on the work of actually healing you. SO you see, my method is probably controversial, and could go one of two ways, both very extreme. This is just a theory, and as far as I can tell, has never been tested by actual medical personnel, and myself of little to no medical training, just full of vast thinking processes, is not going to be responsible if you take my idea and apply it to your own illnesses or those of your loved ones.
All I can tell you is that it's been a week since I began employing this method on my own body, and I am feeling a lot better. Someone wants to stop me here and point out that this is also how long it would have probably taken me to feel better if I had followed the "get some rest" advice. Which means choose to believe what you want to believe; I will do the same.


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