Monday, April 5, 2010


(Pre-Script: This post will hit it out of the park when read as the song, "All The Right Moves," #65 on the playlist, plays in the background. So go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait..) (...still waiting...)

I admire people who are so devoted to the sport they love that they can spout off statistics involving years, batting averages, world records, and all sorts of names that go with each particular year, average, and record. I wonder how it all fits inside their brains. I think must be stored in organized compartments. The inside of my brain is not so well organized for fact removal at will. I have a lot of facts in my brain too, but they are not so neatly categorized, and I just tend to trip over them at the most unexpected times. It would be so great to have a vast knowledge of any one thing at my fingertips anytime I thought of it.
"...but Michelle,"
My Imaginary Reader interrupts,
"Michelle, I am sure you can spout off in such vast detail about any number of things you are just as passionate about."
Um, yeah, while it was kind of you to assume such goodness upon me, Dear Reader, ...I'll just have to get back to you on that and let you know when I can think of one.
I believe that Ice Hockey belongs to Canada, that Baseball belongs to the United States.
(Cricket belongs on another continent.)
(Soccer Belongs in Columbia.)
(Okay, Soccer belongs all over the world.)
(Football belongs in the United States.)
Oh, the Russians and Alaskans can have Ice Hockey, too. This is because there is naturally occurring ice in such places as Canada, Russia, and Alaska. Alaska does not have it's own hockey team; will someone tell me why the state which is basically between Canada and Russia has no such ice sports representation? The Alaskan team could be the Moose or the Polar Bears. They could dress in all white, and really shock the opponents. OR they could dress in all black, and call themselves "Black Ice." They could enter the Rink as the song "Ice Ice Baby," by Vanilla Ice plays in the background. This could be their theme. People would fork over a lot of cash to see that.
My rule of thumb is that if a young hopeful impressionable child cannot go out in his backyard and practice the sport in question, then that sport is too precious to be played in that city on the professional level. I suppose this means that states like Maine and Minnesota also should get rights to the Hockey franchise. Not full ownership, but at least a portion of it. But I live in San Jose, California, where there is no naturally occurring ice. Why do we need an Ice Hockey Team? Why does Los Angeles need an Ice Hockey team?
("Because Los Angeles has everything.")
("Oh. You're right.")
("Move Along.")
I Believe that Apple Pie should be served at baseball games; cherry pie, too, deep dish with delicious crumbly stuff on top. Because Baseball and Apple Pie sum up the United States, don't they? Except it should not be served a la mode at a baseball game, because if you are in the stands, it would be extremely obnoxious to be sitting next to the guy ordering "An apple pie a la mode." A la mode? This is way too precious of a (FRENCH, mind you!) phrase to be saying in the middle of a baseball game. I mean, come on, wouldn't you want to smack the guy sitting next to you, if you heard him order an Apple Pie A La Mode??? Like, who does he think he is and all that? Why does he think he is in France all of a sudden? Did he forget that he, too, is wearing a foam finger?
Instead of A LA MODE, I would like to propose that it become customary for the baseball fans to carry their own cans of Reddi Whip in their back pockets when they come to the games from now on. So when you are served your deep dish pie, you can just whip that can out and spray some cream on, as much or as little as you like. Bad @$$. No one is going to mess with the dude who brings his own can of Reddi Whip to the stadium.
If you are going to plan to see a lot of live games of any sport, it is convenient to support your local teams; that way you might actually get to see your team play live. It also puts you in cahoots with the people who live in your neighborhood, and you do indeed have to live in your own neighborhood. So you might as well lie down peacefully, and get-along-ish-ly, as much as possible. I mean, if you care about that kind of thing at all. It's not how I pick my teams, though. I don't support my local teams because, quite frankly, they have let me down in the player, uniform, team name, and team colors departments. Also in the "lamest team name on earth" department. I will not name names.
My baseball teams are: The New York Yankees. Simply put, they represent classic baseball greatness to me. I love their uniforms and logo. Classic!! They had me at those tiny blue stripes.
My other teams are: The Los Angeles Dodgers. 'nuf said.
and finally,
The Angels.
...Once upon a time, I was on a nostalgic road trip that involved driving past Angel's stadium. So forever, I am a fan.
I will leave you to wonder what the story I am not telling behind that is. Wonder all you like, I am not telling, but in my mind, it is delicious as the deep dish pie that should be served there. And look, here is my can of Reddi Whip...


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