Friday, June 5, 2009

Earth on Earth

(Pre-Script: Want to know why I chose the song, "Here in Your Arms," by Hellogoodbye, #51 on the playlist, as the song for this post? Because I think it is an ideal background song, it makes me happy every time I hear it, makes me want to do some goofy made up dance, so I keep listening to it over and over, and it is a perfect song to run very fast to. so go down and click it on, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...Still waiting...)

I regularly run 13-14 miles on the highest incline of the treadmill. It takes about 11o -114 minutes, give or take a few. Let's get this straight: No one runs 13-14 miles uphill on accident. When I am pumping out this type of workout, I feel like I am literally pulling myself out of myself. This statement will only make sense if you have ever been there, done that. My mind is pulling for my body: "Come on, come on, you can do it, yes you can, so it hurts, a lot of things hurt, that does not mean that you are damaged; you are not damaged, but you do have to pump it out, and you are not done yet."

The other thing is this: In order to complete this workout, you have to be at least a little bit crazy. This is probably why people look at me like I am crazy and say to me: "You are crazy."

Why Yes! yes, I am.*

There have been parts of my own life that have been wholly unswallowable,

so I have been digesting them in pieces, one layer at a time.

It's like I'm walking down the road, and there's a breadcrumb in front of me, and I have to swallow it, and keep going. It is the only way to maintain my energy along the trail, the only way to not get stuck in one spot. It also tells me I'm going in the right direction, and if I keep moving forward from here, I will get to the next breadcrumb. Some of the crumbs are bitter, some make me want to gag, but all must be swallowed and digested in order to keep going. Eventually I will have eaten an entire cake, the cake of my life, some parts dry and stale, some sickly sweet, but some perfectly moist and delicious . So I savor those bites, and remember them often, and it helps me swallow the bitter bites, when they come, helps me refrain from puking my guts all over the path. But even still there are moments when I have to puke my guts out over the the path and collapse in a heap until I get my strength back to continue walking ahead. Then I continue on again.

When you spend your life waiting around for some allusive "someday," you wake up suddenly to find that you've spent your entire life. Now if you'll please excuse me, I have to run and catch up with myself...

Oh look, here I am!


*This line was directly inspired by the show Phineas and Ferb.

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