What I Never Had

(Pre-Script: This post is best paired with the song, "Winter, " by Tori Amos, #33 on the playlist, or "Landslide," #19 on the playlist, So go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading...I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

When I am standing near you I know

right where I am,

(I am here, standing near you)

even when my heart, my mind are

over there, and way off there...

but when I am alone,

I'm just a little confused about where to go-

I'm bumping into walls and

the walls aren't opening up into doors, or

they are paper walls so I smash right through

in the shape of me, in the shape I am in.

(what I never had is never

in these rooms though;)

what I never had

can never be that easily obtained, and if it was

I would not trust it,

could not trust the solid form

of something

that never was meant to be solid;

never meant to have it's own shadow, but

to be something that slips over me, through, and around me,

breathed in, bled out,

wept upon,

even as it

shines down on my withered form.

-XOXO,