Friday, April 17, 2009

Maybe the very nature of its obvious nature is what is confusing.

(Pre-script: To get your money's worth out of this post and allow your mind to marinate in it's juice, I recommend that you first go down to the playlist, click on the song, " Blackbird," #15 on the playlist, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...and this is my best "I am thinking deep thougths" expression.)

"OH! OH! Pick me, pick me!"

I can hear my Imaginary Reader, getting antsy tonight. Okay, Gentle Reader, what seems to be the problem?
"Michelle, I have a question I have been meaning to ask you."

Okay, Gentle Reader, go ahead. You know you can ask me anything, right?

"Yes, Michelle, you have been very gracious with me in this regard. Thank you."

You're welcome. What's the question?

"Well, Michelle, I want to hear you answer the age old question, 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg?'"

Gentle Reader, this is an easy and obvious one.
It was the chicken, of course.
Why does anyone even question this? An egg could never sustain it's own self. Even if it could, a hatched chick could not sustain itself. A chicken was first created. It says so in Genesis, that God created all of the fish and the birds on the 5th day of creation. It was not until after they were created that God told them to multiply.* I am not going to get into a debate right here and now about whether it was a literal or a figurative 5 days as one understands daytime in this day and time. But it does say that God created the birds and the fish...and then told them to mutiply. It does not say that God created fish eggs (aka "caviar") and bird eggs (aka, Mmm, breakfast for the humans who were about to be created on the 6th day.)

Um, no.

Can you imagine, all of those eggs rolling around all over the ground? Folks, an egg cannot sustain itself. An egg alone will die. A dead egg will smell to high heaven. And can you imagine the stench if that dead egg gets stepped on or crushed? Oh mighty...That would not be a pretty smell. All of the most fragrant roses of Sharon in all of the Garden of Eden could not cover over such a mutlitude of stenchiness.

"For lo, the chickens that had been planned for were never seen walking upon the face of the Earth;
They did not survive egg-dom."**

We would now be living in a chickenless world.

Y'all, I have dead egg smell fresh on my mind because it is 5 days past Easter, and the kids dyed hard boiled eggs the day before Easter at their Grandmother's house. 2 days ago, I came home and what to my wandering eyes should appear but two cartons of the eggs the children had dyed that had been left on my front porch by their loving Grandmother. Apparently she just did not want the children to go without. Fortunately, I moved the eggs to my own refrigerator before they could start to rot. Now I am left with the quandry of how to toss the eggs out without also tossing out the hearts of my children, now once again fastened to the eggs they had forgotten all about, and also without causing neighborhood stench. Disposing of old eggs is a process. Adam and Eve did not even have plastic bags in which they could have wrapped smashed rotten eggs. But at that point, there was no sin, no rotten smelly garbage to take out, and I will go out on what seems like a not so shaky branch and theorize that there were probably no eggs...yet.
Think about it, Gentle Reader,
For Lo and Behold, a great many things do actually make a lot of sense thusly when you put your brain power to the work for which it was created.

*20 And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky." 21 So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." 23 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.
**This is not an actual quote from an actual reliable source anywhere, unless you concider the things I make up and pull out of my own ear to be completely reliable.


Brian said...

To start with: I love the title...I had to read it 3 times because the obvious nature of it's nature was confusing me.

"a mutlitude of stenchiness": laughed out make up such hilarious words and phrases (I mean when you're not making up very profound words and phrases).

The entire thing was well written, captivating, intelligent (really did settle the question over which came first, the chicken or the egg), and funny. And the second footnote cracked me up too. You really are a great writer, who's constantly improving.

Renee said...

I am so stoked to have a rather scientific and logical answer for the next time a moronic middle schooler tries to clown on me by asking about the chicken v. egg. You have empowered me to new heights.

Patrick Brosnan said...

Ms. Burrill -
Your analysis was perfect of looking past the layers of shell into the life that is beyond.

Then tieing the story of your creation of poultry with your mother-n-law's dumping episode is classic.

You now need to take on the bigger challenge which has halted the great minds of our day . . . . "why did the chicken cross the road."

Kevin said...

Sorry mom left you all the eggs. But I don't really understand the problem about throwing them away. Toss them in the trash the day before the garbage gets picked up.

Kevin said...

I love the five artistic pictures introducing each member of your family on the left side of the blog.