To All The Gum's I've Loved Before

(Pre-script: To receive the full benefits this post has to offer, possibly including, but not limited to, vitamin B12, you first need to go down to the playlist at the bottom of this page, click on the song "32 Flavors," covered here by Alana Davis, OR "100 Years" by Five for Fighting. Pick which one you like, click on it, then come back and resume reading...I'll wait...)(...still waiting...)

I remember the first time I ever tried a piece of sugar-filled gum. I was probably 9 or 10 years old, and my friend Debbie (now Deb)* gave me a piece of her Watermelon Bubblicious. Wow, what a revolution! What a magical burst of flavor and texture explosion! I immediately noticed the grainy crunch of actual sugar granules, which was completely mind blowing to this sugar free gum veteran. And the bubbles! You really could blow bubbles the size of your head! I took to sugarful gum automatically and instantly.
My experiences with gum up until then had been purely sugarless. My dad used to favor the dark green pack of Carefree gum, and he would offer myself and my 3 brothers a half of a stick whenever we were driving somewhere that involved a change of altitude. I loved it! Chewing gum was always an enjoyable pastime. While I was blissing out in the backseat, working that half stick of sugarless dark green Carefree gum, the rest of the family would be saying things like "Chew quieter!" or "Don't chew your gum so loud!" Eventually I learned to tone the chewing down, since this annoys A LOT of people....but didn't they realize that chomp chomp chomping was half of the fun? Apparently not...but I propose that they just might have been happier people if THEY had taken the liberty of chomping their own gum once in a while.
In the ensuing years, as I grew older and developed my own ability to choose what flavor and brand of gum to chew, I switched loyalties based sometimes on ignorance, flavor curiosity, packaging, and whatnot. I also returned to my sugarless gum roots. The sugar was just not worth the tooth damage or the calories. Eventually, by the end of the '90's, I was pretty settled on light blue Extra chewing gum. Then Orbit gum was invented, and it was the perfect combination of terrific texture and original, fantastic flavors. I have not been disappointed with Orbit gum. In fact, I would like to take this moment to publicly thank Orbit for it's excellence in the gum department. Thank you, Orbit.
Y'all, last week I discovered yet another brand of gum. It's called "5," and it's really good. The texture is perfect, the flavor long lasting, and the packaging is all blinged out. But one of the very VERY best things about 5 gum? No where on the package does it say: "Not a low calorie food."**

-XOXO,

*I have another story that involves Debbie (now Deb) chasing me around the church to try to steal the piece of gum away from me that I had just removed from the Valentine that she had just given me. But that's another story for another day...and in her defense, it was still the '80's.

**Am I the only one who cracks up when I read that on a gum package? It just seems so...ridiculous. And don't even get me started about people who say that they are "eating" gum, instead of "chewing" gum. Um, you don't EAT Gum, peeps! No one Eats gum! 'Cause they told us so many times that it takes 7 years to digest, and who wants a huge ball of undigested gum hanging out in his or her intestines for 7 years? Like I have TIME to wait around for THAT! Gosh!

***"Sugarful" is not an actual word. I just invented it for this here post.