Friday, July 10, 2009

Delusional Dreaming

(Pre-Script: This post will fill your mind with perfect nonsense and logic when paired with the song, "Superman," by Five for Fighting, #10 on the playlist, so scroll down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...)(...still waiting...)

You can't convince people to believe in your dreams. You can't convince them to believe in your delusions. You can't convince them to place each in the same category you do, either. Some dreams are delusional, but you are too passionate about them to realize it, and when people try to tell you, burst your cloud dream bubble and pull you back into reality, you get mad. Sometimes it's better not to live in reality. That is what sleep is for. But some dreams, even while awake, really are delusional, and that's why they've only ever been dreams, not realities. It takes someone crazy enough to believe in the possibility of the dream to make a delusion come true. What if Walt Disney had never believed in his own delusional dreams? It would NOT be a small world after all*...and someday your prince would NOT come*...and you could NEVER become a real boy*...and if no "Magic"* had ever transformed that orchard in Southern California, it would have probably eventually been turned into the parking lot or housing district of someone else's rational, non delusional, in no way magical dream, instead of Disneyland.
And THEN where would the happiest place on Earth* be??
Just the happy delusional fertile soil of all of our imaginations. Some of us nurture our imaginations with more fertile soil than others.
I have always been a wild and wacky dreamer, both awake and asleep. As a kid, I had a whole imaginary world that I would play in every day. It is exactly what Barney** encourages kids to do, but mine did not involve a large dinosaur,** or cloyingly annoying children who all get along and agree with each other seamlessly, like only delusional dream children would**. My imaginary world was ripe with strife and tension, hope and longing. But I knew the difference between that and reality.
Once when I was about 8, a Real Person friend named Noelani came over to play, I said to her, "do you have any imaginary friends?" she said "Yes," so I said, "do you mind if we play with our imaginary friends instead?" She was cool with it, so she hung out in one corner of the yard, I hung out in another, each playing with our own respective imaginary friends. I don't know what was happening in her little world, but I could occasionally hear the sound of her voice as she got along with, then argued with, someone, and someone else. At the time, it didn't consciously occur to me that the message I was sending to my Real Person Friend was not very nice, and went something like: "the people I make up in my head are more interesting to me than the actual person who is you right now. No offense. But go away. Hee hee." Gosh, how completely juvenile of me. I have totally outgrown all of this.

"But Michelle,"

Oh, excuse me, would you look at that, it's my, um, Gentle Imaginary Reader, once again interrupting...hee hee...

"Michelle, what about me?"

Oh, Gentle Imaginary Reader, take it easy, I didn't mean YOU.

"I mean, seriously, Michelle, aren't I just as real as any other figment of your imagination?"

Of course, Gentle Imaginary Reader, of course. Relax.


hee hee,

okay, so sue me. I mean, sure I have an active imagination, but at least I do not ask the people I am with to leave me alone so that I can instead hang out with my imaginary friends...even if I want to. Even if I think my made up people might be better company. Because that would be delusional, and someone might want to lock me up somewhere more permanent than just within the inner confines of my own mind if they heard me talking to me, myself, and I.


*All Disney references.

**All elements of the Barney children's TV show.


liza said...

read it, enjoyed it, and found it funny that, even as you're talking about hanging out with imaginary friends instead of non imaginary ones... you were writing an entry while real friends were right there in your kitchen :0) (for the record, I totally didn't mind, totally get it, totally do the same thing - I just wanted to point out the subtly entertaining irony of that, though I'm sure you thought of it already :0)

Michelle said...

In my defense, I wrote it earlier in the day, and was just fine tuning it while you were here, as we all sat around the table chatting...and THEN I put it down and played with you all.