Saturday, March 6, 2010

Cake: It's what's for dinner.

(Pre-Script: This post will mask your unmet needs and disquise that for which you truly hunger when read as the song, " Good Intentions," #19 on the playlist, plays in the background. Go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

I think I would be so happy for all of the people who have no vices, really, I would, if only that knowledge didn't make me feel so BAD about myself. I have so MANY vices. SO many that it's hard to pick just one. So many vices, so little time. What to do, what to do. I like to eat a healthy meal as much as the next guy, for instance, don't get me wrong, as long as I have a Diet Coke or Coke Zero to go with it. That way, at least I can be sure to I am getting my daily calorie free chemical intake; so there is that. I mean, think about it: What good would all of the antioxidants I get from eating the healthy meal and taking a multivitamin be if there were no free radicals and toxins also going into my body?
("Wow, Michelle, I never really thought of it that way before.")
(No, no, I guess you never really did.)
I do work really hard to get a proper amount of vegetation in my daily diet. Harder than most, I'd say. I say Vegetation, not Vegetables, for I assume Vegetation to mean anything that grows on the world, which is not just limited to vegetables. My thinking is that anything that grows on the earth is good for you, not just the kind that make you gag. This includes nuts, fruits, all my relatives, and grain.
Don't get me wrong, I like vegetables as much as the next guy, which means not all that much, for most guys don't like vegetables all that much, and I consider corn to be my favorite one.
"But Michelle, excuse me,"
OH, would you look at that, it's my Imaginary Reader, interrupting again. Yes, Dear Reader, what is it?
"Michelle, everyone knows that corn is not a vegetable, corn is considered a grain."
Dear Imaginary Reader, what is this you are telling me? Hog wash, it is!! Corn grows on an ear in a green field, it is a vegetable, as sure as I live.
Oh, why, you are just saying that now because if I were a corn fed chicken, I would soon be fat and happy and clucking my way to slaughter, only so that I could be made into non natural food substances such as chicken nuggets, and chicken tenders, and chicken apple sausages, and chicken and spam, and...
"Yes, Michelle, that is exactly why."
" serious as the heart attack from which I am trying to keep you."
Ahem. Well.
Now it seems I will have to come up with a new favorite vegetable. But I know what you are thinking here, you are thinking, "Favorite Vegetable?!? Isn't that an oxymoron?"
yes, yes it is.
I have to choose one.
Okay, I choose chocolate.
(Don't judge me; don't you judge me...)


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