Monday, February 2, 2009

The knowledge of impending Ice cream.

(Pre-script: To get squeeze every tasty morsel you can from this post, you will need to first go down to the playlist, click on the song,"32 Flavors," then come back and resume reading. I'll wait.) (...still waiting...)

Come closer to the screen, I'm about to tell you a secret. How embarrassing of me. But here it is:
True confession # 327:
I am a nice person all day long because I know that at the end of the day, I am going to eat ice cream. Not only am I a nicer person all day long because of the knowledge that I carry at the forefront of my consciousness of the impending ice cream, but I also forgo a multitude of dietary disasters. The cookies that call me, yes, call me by name, sometimes by first, middle, and last name? I call back to them:"Get behind me, fresh baked cookies. I will not die on your battleground today. I will be having ice cream later. When the kids are in bed. And the house is quiet. And I can enjoy it. In the perfect over sized Starbucks mug. With the perfect undersized slightly bent on the left side spoon." (Yes, I eat it by the oversized Starbucks mugful, and I have a favorite ice cream spoon.)
"But Michelle," my imaginary reader is asking,
"What we really want to know is what kind of ice cream you prefer."
To which the only answer can be, gentle reader, that your very own favorite flavor of ice cream should do the trick.
"But Michelle,"
"Yes, gentle reader, what is it this time?"
"That's not what I asked. I specifically asked what type of ice cream YOU prefer, and I was careful to phrase it that way."
"Well, in that case, gentle reader, you are just going to have to wonder. I will not go into so personal of a detail in such a public venue."
"But Michelle,"
"Yes, gentle reader? you are quite chatty today."
"Michelle, it's not like everyone who reads your blog lives right near the stores you frequent and will rush to go buy your favorite ice cream out."
Gentle reader, it's a risk I'm willing to take.
Now let's review:
The knowledge of the impending ice cream keeps me on the straight and narrow path of dietary correctness throughout the day,
it makes me a nicer person to everyone around me. Which is a good thing, because there are a lot of people around me a lot of the time. Hint: some of them once lived inside my body. When they lived there, they each grew strong from the steady stream of ice cream being pumped at them through the umbilical chord. It was prenatal bliss at it's finest. And yes, I was a very, very nice pregnant girl.
I am convinced that I may have lost my sanity a number of times without the knowledge of impending ice cream.
Sometimes the answer really is that simple.
It's something like a mix between the wisdom of Solomon, when he said "Go eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do."*
and the wisdom of Elle Woods, who said "Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't kill people. They just don't."**
Let's eat.


*Ecclesiastes 9:7

**From the movie "Legally Blonde," starring Reese Witherspoon. One of the best movies of all time. But If I were Napoleon Dynamite, my big brother Kip would be roll his eyes at me for saying that, and would say, "Napoleon, like anyone could ever know that," which is one of the reasons Napoleon Dynamite is also one of the best movies of all time.


sara said...

So, after all that you NEVER gave it up. Hmmf. I have that same Starbucks mug!! I used to have a ritual of waiting until the end of the day & eating my ice cream in bed, and you are RIGHT - I avoided many dietary disasters throughout the day...I resolve to EAT ICE CREAm again ;)

P.S. LOVED legally BLONDE ;=)

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean! The ice cream never comes out until I have checked to make sure everyone is asleep and no one will want a bite. It's the best part of a long day.
And good call about the not sharing your fav flavor because as soon as I told people how much I loved my fav the stores around my house were mysteriously out of stock. And yes I checked all three of them.