New Foundation, Old Grief

(Pre-script: The perfect note of nostalgia for this post is contained within the song,"Viva La Vida," by Coldplay, so go down to the playlist, click on that song, (#8) then come back and resume reading. I'll wait.) (...still waiting...)

"...And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away." -Ezra 3:11b-13.

If you would be willing to hear from within the reaches of your own heart, this is the sound you would hear from within mine; a loud shout that can be heard from a great distance, the joy and the grief indistinguishable. Tears of celebration and loss intertwine in the dirt below my feet. The dirt is important; my tears land upon it, my feet walk upon it. My feet get muddy. The tears wash off grime, then create more mud. I walk forward, through it. I do not transcend above the mud. I am walking it out, one step in front of me, even if I have to stop every now and then, and remember, and weep. But I cannot stay there. The new foundation that has been built is in front of me. I stop to acknowledge the hard work that went into it's creation. Before I put one stone upon it, I stop to acknowledge it. I will not be building some old glory, or something once beautiful that only still exists in my mind. I can only build with the materials I have at my disposal now, today. I do not know how the end result will exactly look, regardless of what once may have been. The next step is forward, even when my feet are unbearable muddy; even when I cannot see through the tears. I know that the only next step is still, and always, forward, so that is where I bravely step.

-XOXO,