Thursday, May 7, 2009

Little Critters, Beware.

(Pre-Script: to understand the deep depths of this post, it must be paired with the song,"The End Of The Innocence," #41, so go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)
Let's be clear: I do not willingly share my dessert or perfect bath water. So today, I was running a hot bubble bath, about to soak my aching muscles after a long, difficult run. But when I flung my towel over the shower rod, a LIVE Mosquito Eater bug ( Proper Latin name: "Nasty scary bug more huge than your worst nightmare"*) fell off of it into the bubbles and Epsom salt below. I do not have brain sanity space to wrap around the fact that I had just been carrying a towel that contained a live nasty mosquito eater bug. It was now in my bath, attempting to ruin my moment of relaxation. I tried to get the bug out, but I could not find it. It seems that many white bubbles hid it, and the more I swirled the water, the more I could not find the bug. Ew. I tried to reason with myself that Mr. Nasty would surely drown. Some of you will be horrified that I wanted to kill the bug; but it had the nerve to lounge on MY towel and fall into MY bathtub, therefore turning the creepy factor of my life up about 7 notches, and it was in MY house. When it comes to bugs in my own house, I fall on my 2nd Amendment Constitutional Rights. And then I stand there. And then I conduct battle there. If the bugs would just stay outside, in their own happy outdoor world, they would be safe from the execution of my wrath. Once they dare cross my threshold, it's war, and I do not intend to lose. Some would say, "Oh but the sweet little spider means you no harm and will eat the flies. Let it live." The same person will say "Oh, but the sweet Mosquito Eater means you no harm, and will eat the mosquito's, let it live." To which I say, Spiders infested the worst nightmares of my childhood. Have you seen a blown up picture of how closely a spider's eyes are spaced together? It is enough to make you feel nauseated, at the very least. I never need to see that again. Besides, I am sure that there are enough spiders in places like the Amazon Jungle to eat all of the flies in the world. In my house I have a fly swatter for that. Never mind about my aim. Mosquito eaters are huge and ugly. I would not have minded if mosquito's and mosquito eaters had missed the boat together. By "the boat," I am referring to Noah's ark. But they did not miss the boat, proof that I am once again not in control of everything. Thing #7 that I am not in control of: What creatures made it on and off of Noah's ark alive. Thing #2813 that I am not in control of: The Giant Mosquito Eater that had the audacity to fall into my bathwater just as I was about to step in.
So I had a choice: Do I...

A.) step into the tub anyway, even though there is a mystery bug floating somewhere in it's very depths? Do I allow for the unexpected protein addition to my bathwater?

Or do I...

B.) Keep searching indefinitely until I have found, removed, and destroyed the offending bug, possibly causing perfect temperature bath water to go cold?

I chose A.

Someone just read that and fainted.

But I tried to tell myself that the thing would drown. I tried to block the buggity from my mind, and was halfway successful as I soaked in the Epsom salt warm bubbly goodness of the moment. But then as I drained the water, I caught a glimpse of huge buggity Mr. Nasty rushing towards the drain...and I shot out of that bath like a rocket. Oh yes, there are benefits to working out, namely being able to rapidly jump out of the tub at first glimpse of a huge buggity Mr. Nasty.

"But Michelle,"

My Imaginary Reader is interjecting, I can hear it now...

"Michelle, what about draining the bathwater and starting over? Then you could have still had a relaxing bath experience, bug free."

Gentle Reader, I did not even think of that. Drat.

*The Proper Latin Name used here is just a guess.

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