Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Checking my inbox ("Oh no she DI'-N'T!")

(Pre-script: This post will best be paired with the song, "My Name Is Luca," by Suzanne Vega, so please go down to the playlist, click on that song, then come back and resume reading. I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)
I am always amused by the spam in my Yahoo! email inbox. (GASP! Did Michelle just give away personal info?!? "Oh no she DI'-n't!") I did not, I repeat, did NOT open any of them; I know better than to open an email from, say, "CHUCK B." with the message subject, "Have I got a deal for YOU!" but the subjects alone are entertaining and informative enough. The most recent batch of spam (Mmm, mmm, spam. Mmm, mmm, good.) included some tasty morsels. For instance, apparently, there is a shortage of nurses. Somewhere in the world. And they contacted ME about this problem. I cannot handle needles and blood. When I was birthing the first of the 4 little people who would later come to live in my house, the doctor actually asked me if I wanted a mirror so as to watch the birth myself.
Swallow hard, again.

"OH no she DI'-n't!"

Oh yes, she DID!!

Needless to say, I declined the mirror...Because I think, and have always thought, that the point of having a baby is to get the baby out into the world safely, and for the mother to stay conscious...IF AT ALL POSSIBLE.
Folks, this is one way to tell if the person sending the message actually knows me or not. Sometimes it is not obvious, but other times it is so obvious that the clue phone has been ringing on LOUD and VIBRATE at the same time, and it is a bright red clue phone, as bright red as Batman's bat phone. Sometimes. They may have sent me an email with the subject, "Open this email to learn how YOU,yes, YOU can eat all of the broccoli and brussels sprouts you want!" and it would have had the same effect on me as the nursing shortage email did, which was to send my gag reflex into overdrive. I do not recommend training for a job that induces nausea and vomiting...especially if it is a job that is meant to do away with such things as nausea and vomiting...This is what is commonly referred to as IRONY.
(Tawlk amongst yowrselves...)
Another spam was from a group called "Big and Beautiful," with the subject, "Are you big and beautiful?" Y'all, Mama doesn't even need to comment any further on THAT one...except to say that it did give me a good chuckle. Thank you for that, spam doctors.
So I was happily clicking delete, delete, delete, to these types of emails and many others when one caught my eye that said, "Train to be a Sociologist." and something inside of me went, "DING DING DING!!" because what does Mama describe herself as everyday if not A SOCIOLOGIST at heart, by nature, by the nature of how I naturally look at, study, and over psycho analyze EVERYONE around me, whether I know him or her or not, in fact, I already have you, and you, and you, and yes, even you, too, figured out, dear reader, you complicated thing, so sit back and let me tell you all about yourself. Of course this spam leapt right into my heart. I did not press delete. Well, eventually I pressed delete, but not for at least another 2 minutes, in which I paid homage to the spam doctors that knew me well enough to send just the right spam message to just the right person.





1 comment:

Brian said...

That was hilarious!!! And at the risk of boring you with repetition...it again amazes me how you can see things that are right in front of us all, but none of us give a second thought to. I loved the part about already having your readers figured out "you complicated thing"...hahahahaha, you're a riot!!!