Saturday, March 21, 2009

Speak Straight, Sista! (Obviously the obvious is not so obvious.)

(Pre-script: When I was thinking of a song to go with this post, the first songs to come to mind were " Good Intentions," by Toad the Wet Sproket, or "Say," by John Mayer, but then I heard "The Best of Me," by Daniel Powter, and I think that song captures the sentiment of what I'm trying to express here the best, paired with the emotion that the tune captures. Run, don't walk down to the playlist, click on that song, of then come back and resume reading...I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)

Sometimes things that I think will be obvious to other people are in fact...NOT. Take for instance the grocery store clerk at Safeway today. I think that if I happen to pay cash for something, and the cashier is going to give me change, that it should be obvious that I don't want him to give me a bunch of coins, paper money, and receipt all on top of each other in my hand. Actually, it wasn't just the guy today, ALL cashiers in ALL stores get this one wrong. They just do. Even when I make gestures to try to stop the imminent onslaught of money mayhem that is about to ensue. People don't do so well with subtle clues. In fact, subtle clues are the weapons of the very unhealthy and co dependant. In fact, people are often insulted by subtle clues when the person giving subtle clues is too cowardly to say outright what he or she means. No one wants to be talked down to or treated like that. In fact, people sometimes do well with being told straight up what you are intending to tell them. Not always, but sometimes, and sometimes is more than never. The message that you want to get across? Just say it. As a friend of mine often says to me, "Speak straight, sista!" In fact, I told that very friend a joke today. I thought it was an obvious joke, because I said "HA!" at the end of it. But guess what? HE didn't get that it was a joke, and I often say "HA" at the end of the non joke things that I say, too. So I have to be more careful with that joke reflex of mine; have to be better at that "Assuming people get when I am joking" reflex of mine.
"But Michelle,"
Yes, Imaginary Reader?
"Michelle, your jokes are very, very funny."
well, thank you, gentle reader.
"...I mean, you are downright WICKEDLY funny."
Thank you.
"...You are HILARIOUS when you joke."
And you are the slightest bit biased, gentle reader.
"Yes, Michelle, but isn't it good for your self esteem that I am?"
Sure, gentle reader. Sure. Thank you.
"You're welcome."
So as I was saying....
Oh, how people can freak out when you DO speak straight, though. It's like, "EEK, a MOUSE!" "EEK, she SPOKE STRAIGHT! WE CAN"T HANDLE THINGS LIKE TRUTH AND REALNESS!! HOW ARE WE TO LIVE IN DENIAL UNDER THESE CONDITIONS??AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! SOMEBODY TURN OFF THE BLINDING LIGHTS!" Alright, alright, relax; it's all good, you can go back to sleep now.
But if you ever decide to get your college degree in Store Clerking, please wake up and don't skip the course on Proper Change Giving 101. Take copious notes.


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