Monday, March 23, 2009

Spin Doctor

(Pre-script: This post pairs best with the songs, "Best of Me," by Daniel Powter, or " The Story," by Brandi Carlile. Go down to the playlist, click on those songs, then come back and resume reading.I'll wait...)(...still waiting...)
Often I feel that I am not being taken seriously. I think that maybe, maybe people are really just laughing at me behind their hands, where they also whisper and stare condescendingly as I walk past.
I tell jokes for the same reasons that you do; because I want to be heard, and appreciated, and most of all because I want to be taken seriously. I tell jokes because they are the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down. Sometimes I am funniest when I am the saddest, and when the world is crashing down around me the fastest. I'm lonely sometimes, unsure at others.
Sometimes when I'm used to spinning in circles, to the feel and appearance of everything spinning around me, my heart pounding bright redness into my cheeks, the rush, the rush, the push to go again, faster this time. Harder this time...YES! and at first stopping, everything is still spinning, but then eventually it just...stops. And then I feel cold again. So I start the spin cycle again, things are blurry and nothing is quite clear; what am I reaching for? Doesn't matter.
And then I tell jokes, I tell jokes for the same reason that anyone jokes. because I want to be heard, because I want to be noticed, and appreciated, but the main reason is because I really, really just want to be taken seriously.

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