Friday, January 9, 2009

The one in which I whine.

(Pre-script: This post will best be paired with the song, ""Carry On, Wayward Son," by Kansas. Go down to the playlist, click on the song, , then come back and resume reading... and take special note of the fact that this time I did not say "please." Why? Because I have no patience today, that's just do it...I'll wait...) (...still waiting...)
I am sick.
I am never sick.
But I am sick.
But I am never sick,
because I say "I will not be sick."
World without end, amen.
and that is the end of that.
Until 3 days ago, when my body betrayed me.
Here's the dealio*, peeps. I'm not THAT sick, it's really just a cold, but a sore throat is a sore throat is a sore throat, and HOW am I to tend to the needs of 4 needy little dudes who have yet to gain an ounce of empathy?!? Okay, I may be exaggerating a tad...surely a side effect of the steroids...(but I'll get to that.) The little dudes are only empathetically challenged with regards to their MOTHER. MOTHER apparently is God like in their minds, in the sense that GOD has no needs, and the little dudes choose to see me in the same way. My, what precious little dears they are.
SO the particular cold I have has the added bonus of red eye irritation, sort of like pink eye without the puss. SO BEAUTIFUL!!! And because it is a viral cold, the red irritated eyes are likely to stay with me for an entire week. Fun, fun! I know this because I called the doctor today. He was not concerned about the pink eye, but he was concerned about the dry cough. So he prescribed a steroid inhaler that will evidently help the something or other heal faster than it would without any steroid if I start to resemble a woman's professional body builder within the next few days, you will know why.
The problem with a cold is that it lasts and lasts and lasts like you gave it energizer batteries at the first sign of a symptom. NO ONE wants to endure the misery of a stomach flu, but at least a stomach flu usually runs itself out within a day, and leaves you approximately 3lbs lighter, which is always psychologically encouraging.** You get no such psychological encouragement from a cold, just tired, run down, sore throated coughing-ness, and red irritated glassy eyes.
So to that, I say, "ashes to ashes and dust to dust, from dust you were created and to dust you will return. "
Cough, cough. Pass the Vick Vapo-rub...and a big ol' bowl of ice cream, nature's remedy for a sore throat. (Naturopaths, take note!)

*the fantastic word "Dealio" was stolen from Uncle Rico, of Napoleon Dynamite fame.
**Never mind that you gain back the 3 lbs as soon as you are feeling well enough to eat normally again.


smalls said...

(Just go for the soy ice cream, as any dairy will make this last WAAAAAAY longer, and will make the symptoms worse. Sorry luv.)

lynn said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. I can definitely relate with kids thinking you are 'God like'. I'm often telling Emory that I'm not Super Woman, I can not be in two places at once and she's just going to have to wait - telling her this doesn't go over that well, but it helps me :)

Kevin said...

I went all of Friday without eating a thing, and I don't think I lost any weight.