Warning: this is a Secret Post, not to be read by the faint of heart.

Tonight, I am seeking comfort in the cozyness of my hoody that says "Lovewishhope"on the arms and around the hood. I need to be surrounded in a "Lovewishhope" hug. Why, you ask? Because Derek and I just got back from a vacation with the kids. Derek and I have not taken all of our kids on any sort of vacation since Natalie was born, because I always said "I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready yet," and this weekend, I remembered why.

Y'all, I am about to reveal a little secret here for free. Take note. Are you ready? The secret is that taking 4 kids on any sort of vacation when 1 of them is under 2 and still in diapers, and one of them is a hyperactive 4 year old who doesn't always know how to channel it appropriately, and one of them has special needs, and one of them is...well, okay, it's actually pretty easy taking the oldest one, but the other three...well, let's just say, it wasn't exactly restful. But I knew it wouldn't be...which is why we waited so long to do it in the first place, and why we won't do it again anytime soon...

While the above statements are true, just know that I am glad we did it, I would not trade the weekend in, and I hope the kids will remember it always. (Since we won't be doing it again anytime soon...) It's worth it just to see how excited they get, and how excited they remain the entire time. But I must admit, the whole process broke me. I'm just sort of a messy puddle full of shards of glass right now. I'm glad to be home, with the laundry almost done and everything else put away, yes I said put away already, thanks to a certain someone who wouldn't be able to feel a sense of peace until everything was completely unpacked. (Okay, that's me.) Now I'm off to put the kids in their proper place, in their own beds in their own home, and then the world will be right again. May visions of beach house romping and merriment dance in their heads as they drift to deeper and deepest levels of sleep. As for their mother, I think I'm going to curl up in a corner of the couch while imagining that I am walking in a lush green field as violin music plays a soothing lullabye* in my mind. I will pull the strings of the hood of Lovewishhope so as to tighten it closely too my ears, as it's wooly goodness cushions my aching head.
-XOXO,

*I actually do have a soothing violin music lullabye that has lived in my head for as long as I can remember, which is most of my life. I have no idea how it got there, as I have never played the violin myself, and as far as I know, I've never heard the tune before it popped into my head. Maybe I was born with it. Does that make me officially crazy?